Domestic Violence isn’t Bliss

Video

​​uwe have to face up to domestic Violence in this country.. it’s not something you can sweep up and wrap in newspaper.. just wash the bruises off.. right?
Hearts on sleeves are hard to launder.
You don’t just get over it.

It can crush even the hardiest of souls…

You just live with the marks indelibly carved into your psyche.. you rebuild what you can 

Of your self esteem and say 

Never Again.

Step by step.. you get out.

Day by day

You make ways to overcome it.
But it stays with you, victims, perpetrators.. kids.. who all perpetuate cycles of violence.
Stop the despair

It’s not just a fight

It’s a damn shame.

Be a better example to our kids of a healthy respectful relationship..

Love.

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Ash

When all my thoughts have turned to ash
When every page has read it’s last
When I let go that final gasp
That holds the curtain closed
My eyes won’t see and my ears won’t hear
And the pain moves on
As far as I’ve been told
But what in the world do I know now
I think ill miss myself
When I’m not around
Didn’t get to say
All the words I made
Then they all escaped
Like I’d always feared they would.

And my heart won’t fear
Because my soul can’t bleed
But I do believe I shall behold
Those dreams I saw
But had to let go.

Secrets -poem

I left my secrets out one day
Forgot to put them safe away
From prying eyes
And judging stares
Who may perchance peruse my
Glaring deficits and
Morally deficient situations
I’ve participated in.

I wondered
Do I really need to keep
My mental archives so secure?
I pondered
What could be the worst to happen
If a friend to be could see
The dark parts
Not just my projection of self.

So instead of rushing
Blushing
Crushing under my agony of doubt
I chose to air them publicly
I left them out.
For all the world to see.

Ill let you in on a big fat secret-
Most people walked straight by
Too self absorbed to care
Some Judgy Judy’s sauntered by
They shook their heads
And clicked their wicked tongues
Without knowing why or what
Preceded my descent into depravity-
But I don’t count that as a loss
Because a true friend
Wouldn’t give a toss
About my ancient foibles and faux pas.

I peered through curtains just to snoop
And noticed a young man stoop
He bent towards my embarrassing pile
And flicked around for a little while
Lo and behold he found Big Red
The king of all the secrets in my mind…

I thought I’d die, but I watched instead
The colours dancing in his head,
The ground came out from under him
At least, that’s how he made it seem!
A minute later, maybe more
He picked himself off of the grass
And brushed the debris off his arse
He spied me through my camouflage
I nearly smashed my favourite vase
Jumping backward in stunned surprise

He knocked on my convenient front door
I asked if he wanted a glass of water
He gratefully accepted same
And asked me for my name
I blushed a bit and told him
Trudy
Feeling blue and slightly moody
Quite unsure of his reaction
To my horrid revelations.
“Did you know” he started slowly
“That there’s a pile out the front
That contains some most magnificent stuff?
You should read these de classified files
There’s funny stories that go for miles
And things I’ve only thought but never said
Coz I was too scared to let them
Out of my own demented head..
You should have a look out front
Whoever left that there’s got guts
There’re secrets there I’m sure are private-
Well not anymore now I’ve discovered it!”
He gave me an expectant stare
Full of questions and a teenaged glare
It was almost more than I could bear
To talk about my declassified pile
But before I could put my mouth-brake on
Words hurtled and blurted through lips barely parted
I won’t lie, those mumbles smarted!
“It’s actually mine, that embarrassing pile
I forgot to lock it up again today
It was really getting in my way
Then when I realised where it was
It was too late to re hide my flaws
I watched you read my secrets, friend,
Can I call you that in the end?
It was the worst of them you got
You read Big Red so you pretty much know the lot
Are you reeling from it, cause I watched you faint from shock!”

He quickly raised his hands in the air
“It wasn’t shock you know
I swear they moved the earth for a second there!
I missed the bus and I’ve been running
I bent over for a second, just resting,
Then noticing such strange, inviting pages,
I stayed and read for what seemed like ages.
But I really just needed a drink you know
And a quick lie down was quite the thing!
Anyway, my name is Fred, I’d be real pleased
To be your friend
I’m a kid and still I’m sure
Such honesty is pretty rare
I wasn’t sure if I was normal
Felt kinda twisted and amoral
Having darkness in my head
Similar to things I read
Of yours-
You’re brave, I’ve never heard such things laid bare
For all the world to stop and stare
But now I know that I’m just normal
Not some psycho in the making
Thanks for sharing, can I borrow
Some of those to read tomorrow?
I’m sure there’ll be tons to learn
Ill bring them back when I get done.”

No, you can keep them
They’re not important.
I’m graduating from my secrets now
Seem like so much painful junk to stow
I figured I could fit more creativity
Into the places secrets used to go.
“Good on you, Trude, ill do the same
Keeping things bottled up does seem insane!”
Encouraged and a new friend had;
The consequences weren’t bad-
In fact I slept so well that night
Without the weight of secrets
Screaming round my dreams
I was delighted.

I left my secrets out one day
And had the courage to face myself and say
You’re not coming back
Inside my brain
Out here is where you’ll have to stay.
They’re written all over my face anyway
And help influence things I do and say
Colouring my attitudes and
Generally getting in the way.
At least my head is a little less cluttered
Now I’ve given those tiresome secrets
Somewhere else to play.

What will you unclutch my friend?
Don’t hoard your gruesome secrets till the end
Release the beast and you might find
It was a pesky cat, not a scary lion!
Not worth the convoluted lies
You tell yourself to sleep at night.
It should not be a shame to leave
Mistakes behind to start again

Poem- “Re-ponderance”

Inner secrets-
Outer demons,
Wear ’em on your sleeve
Like bracelets…

Little bears &
Hearts & lipsticks,
Lucky charms you once adored.

More than trinkets bright and bold,
Reflecting on the memories they hold-
Good times and hard times,
Nightmare scenes,
Expansive dreams,
This life unfolds on centre stage
Pretence, suspense, small silver chains.

Allowing the obvious to permeate my ignorance,
All my less than brilliant choices,
Percolating in my mind.
What this brew will boil down to
I can’t say for sure,
But common sense informs me
Ill be better than before.

If what I’ve sown in sadness
One day blooms into a rose,
I’m sure ill grab mine by the thorns
Cause that’s how my life goes.
So many opportunities
Became my biggest dives,
“Try then try again”
The adage wisely spouts
But what about when trying
Brings you to your shattered knees?
I’m sure that old guy didn’t suffer
From bipolar bouts.

I’m watching now, as midnight nears,
Will my resolve withstand more tears?
I’d hoped these would be useful months,
To learn, create, to grow and hope..

Here’s me,
For once, just me,
Not my disease…

Is it too grand a wish I’ve made
That ill stay well enough to smile
For just another while?

I suppose I’ll find out soon enough.
Wish me luck.