Bipolar Disorder as a Medical Condition…not just headspace based!!

ImageI have just managed to avoid a manic episode for the second month in a row.. My appendix got infected, and because of my hypomania, I was in agony all over my body without reprieve of rest nor sleep. 

Then being told that nothing was wrong with me, I assumed my pain etc was due to mental health and going on a new medication. Now after spending a week being filled with three different IV antibiotics, and trapped by protocol was not able to up my dose of Seroquel, which I really needed to double.. And although I requested psych consult three days on multiple occasions, it was only when I started to really lose it that I was heard, and seen.

the team were my knights in shining armour.. Preventing any more deprivation in my regimine. I must remember to make a hypomania treatment protocol for myself.. I’m mind mapping it after I finish my rant here!

i just had to share that Bipolar Disorder may be classified as a mental illness, however this is not the full story! It is a Medical Condition, which can literally kill, by putting your physical body on constant Red Alert Battlestations!! Starvation, malnutrition; sleep deprivation, misfire of the temperature and elimination of waste systems.. Inadequate management presents more than a (just) mental health and suicide or self harm risk of injury or death… Yet some medical practitioners seem to treat this diorder as either hypochondria, or secondary to primarily physical illnesses.

survivors of bipolar, we battle every day until we can’t fight anymore.. Then we rest, depressed, trying to recharge for the next battle… All the while, berating ourselves for being inadequate or lazy or..(insert negative refrain here!!)

so really, try and be understanding with yoursel and cultivate self kindness at every opportunity! To survive this Bipolar Disorder we need every coping mechanism we can develop.

perspectives

So poignant, so now, so me..(without the dick, although I do have one, he’s currently passed out in my bed)

I.J. Keddie

i kinda hate everybody right now
no exceptions especially myself
yes that does include you
a stinking mess of judgements
false meanings and false walls
your standards are not mine
a perspective around closed doors
our dicks are not the same
should i make myself vomit
maybe remove all my body hair
you painted this hell for no reason
only to whitewash it the next day
drum roll please as we smile
this may never happen again

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A new song in progress

Walking on pretty breeze
And it’s blowing through your hair
Smells like religion
And oh I believe

You’re telling me a story
And I don’t give a damn
But it’s not hard to listen
With you sitting there

Come on over baby
Let me whisper in your ear
We got a lot to talk about
But what I want is clear

Tripping in through the doorway
At God knows when AM
All I can think about is going out again
I want to take you everywhere
Bring you home again
Get myself in trouble
Just so you can watch me beg

Come just a little closer honey
Let me whisper in your ear
I haven’t got a lot to say
But I’ve got some good ideas

Tripping over simple things
Forgot all my clever lines
Lost my attention
I left it right between your thighs

Finding hidden meaning
Everywhere I turn
Halfway to demented
Coz girl you make me squirm

Come on over later
I’ve got some ideas
We can just start dancing
You can hold me by the ears

Come on over baby
Let me whisper in your ear
I’d like to get to know more of you
Especially how you feel!

Oops.. No title!

Image

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So I found out three days too late about NaBloPoMo.. And since I’ve always missed out on being sane enough to do NaNoWriMo, I’m jumping on board.

So long as you take my three days worth of today’s post as begun.. You’ll be hearing from me every day this November. ( That is, if I don’t fall off a tall building or run out of Internet…)

I will start with the most stupendous announcement I’ve made since I fell pregnant.. I’ve helped to create The Creative Collective, a community group which aims to discover and inspire local songwriters and get them onto Stages in Venues Near You.. Maybe not near to my overseas readers, but here in The Hawkesbury and Western Sydney. We’re about creating spaces for original music creators to grow their music, it’s kind of like gardening, but a lot more work! You get to walk away and let a plant grow.. You never stop growing as a songwriter, and your songs are friends, lovers, children.. Memories. Wearing your heart on your sleeve on stage can be challenging, and it takes a lot of encouragement to fragile egos to overcome the nerves! But it’s fun to play, and there’s nothing better than bringing someone to tears, or hysteria.

Speaking of hysterical laughter.. My band Confession&Denial did some recording at the School of Audio Engineering (SAE) studios in Surry Hills on Saturday. It was Fubar from the start.. Drummer had no cymbals, I only had half my voice, and I got so stressed out! By the time we got set up I was so tense my guitar fretting was all over the place and I was strumming like an epileptic on acid.
I usually enjoy the finely honed skills employed when recording vocals and laying stereo vocals takes a bit of skill.. Love putting harmonies over my melodies too , but we didn’t have time for that . 😦 I was a very sad panda.

But it was a free practise session to help teach students at SAE how to work a studio. They must have got a few skills in dealing with difficult prima donnas that day, coz that, is unfortunately , what I was… Take two?

I’ve also been spinning yarn galore… Photos will phollow..

Learning things “The Hard Way”

How many times have I run screaming the other way when one of life’s little lessons comes knocking on my solid brass head?

I’m sure I’m not the only person out there that finds taking advice difficult, giving pointers seems to come more naturally than taking a hint or two does for me. What about you?

My son is seventeen now, and I seem to be annoyed most when he shows my character flaws in his own behaviour or attitude. I’m careful most of the time to ensure my reaction to him is not coloured by self loathing ( probably a strong word for it, but presently it fits my state of mind very well!) however, not always successful. I wonder what he thinks about me, and whether he will learn from my mistakes or do it “the hard way” as I am prone to doing.

On a lighter and more inspirational note, I have decided to add some serialised fiction to my blog, so keep an ear out for upcoming story posts. I have a few dozen story outlines and beginnings tucked away in old scribble-covered journals somewhere, from back before I gave up on being disciplined enough to finish a novel and started writing songs because they were quicker, and you could sing them at people on the street. It’s a little more challenging to read at people! But now that I have a platform for it, I figured it couldn’t hurt to give it a go.

Also coming up in the next month or so will be a poetry section to contain my back catalogue. I used to have an account on some writers website, but I’ve no idea what it’s called anymore as I had a five year hiatus from the Internet last time I had a severe manic episode.

If you are interested in hearing some of my original music then head on over to tripleJ Unearthed website