Is there a Guinness World Record or something for ridiculous tags on blogs? What must Google et al be thinking of me? Does Google think? And if Google does, would it talk behind my back about me to The Internet while I wasn’t looking?
I try not to look-its often much easier to live with your eyes closed!
And, this.. Is what happens when I think too hard…
So I try not to do it too often.
I’ve been SO very busy and horribly productive ( esp. For a lazy arse like me!) but have neglected my pledge to blog each day this November. I’m sure you must have been beside yourselves with utter despair in both hearts from missing out on my posts, but I’m sure you’ll get over it when I tell you what I’ve gone and got done.
Researched grants and funding sources for The Creative Collective, my grassroots Original Live Music Movement.
Come up with a few simple ideas on how to reinvigorate said Original Live Music scene Locally.
Fended off about three packets of extremely delicious confectionery and ate fruit instead.
Got a gig half organised .. Two of them in fact.
Found, with the assistance of a few friends in the know, a venue for our first Songwriters Showcase.. And sent out about seven other requests.
Played a gig.. Went off like snot rockets! ( that means good in my brain.. You’ll just have to trust me for now I might share the genesis of ‘snot rockets later when you’re bored!)
Managed to get enough sleep and rest not to go Manic. Managed to stay awake for long enough to get some amazing balls rolling in fabulous directions, too!
It has been an exhausting month-long-week! And there was a point when I questioned my sanity more than once in the space of an hour. But I asked myself a few good questions, answered them calmly, then decided it was nothing a good long sleep wouldn’t alleviate. Now, if you don’t have Bipolar disorder, you may be thinking ” asked and answered your self??” And ” if you need to ask yourself if you’re crazy then you probably are certifiable!”
But ill let you in on a secret.. Asking myself these questions makes a BIG difference to being able to effectively manage my moods and my headspace.
I used to let things get so hectic that I wouldn’t even notice the crazy coming on. Now that I understand my triggers, my need to have ‘drift’ time and the importance of self-talk, I feel way more confident.
It is hard for my family to watch me getting stuff done and being happy, coz they associate these active and productive phases with manic episodes. It has taken me a long time to give myself permission to enjoy the ‘driven’ times in my life.. I have always associated them with the ensuing manic episodes they precede. But I’m managing to stop escalating episodes, haven’t had a hospital incarceration in about five years now! And I’m only on a minimal dose of Seroquel now, I do increase it slightly for a few days if I feel I’m slipping out of control a bit.
One of my best pieces of advice for managing bipolar is Know Your Meds, and find a psychiatrist you can work with, who will explain things.
You can keep a mood diary.. But I always start them then forget to keep up with it, so I’ve switched to asking the key questions of myself and teaching my family members how to manage me too.. You can’t manage a mood disorder on your own, it’s like swimming with no limbs!
The other ( last) thing I would like to mention is self image. For a long time I was defined by my talents and abilities, then when I got bipolar I was defined by my illness. Sometimes when I think of the horrid way I used to mentally abuse myself constantly about how I was ” stupid, idiot, moron, batshit crazy, useless” etc i am not surprised that I curled up and tried to die. We need to make the effort to tone down nasty self-talk, it really is a key factor in mental health wellness!